It was almost a year and a half ago that I wrote “Between”, events in the last couple days have shown me it’s time to move from that place, “Between”, that I settled in to a year and half ago. Quite simply, the stress of living two lives, one male, one female, or at least not male is getting to be too much. It’s time to move on.

I sent my parent’s the post “Full Disclosure”, or rather what you read was the exact same thing I wrote to them (save for concealing my employer). I waited a couple days after sending it and texted my mom “”I know my e-mails take time to process , please keep an open line of communication.” My father called me almost immediately to let me know that they had read the email and did indeed need some time to talk it over, but they would e-mail me in a couple days. I told him I just wanted to make sure there wasn’t a miscommunication and we ended up with another set back each expecting the other one to call. He assured me that wasn’t the case, but said we’ve got somethings we wanted to discuss with you.

Fear crept in my heart. To understand, the last time I tried to transition, the similar conversation was filled with things like “no wearing female clothing in our house” and “we’re not sure we can accept what you’re doing” and so on. So yeah, I was fearful of what was coming and told my dad so. His response? “Oh nothing like that, we just want you to know that if you want us to call you Tristen its going to take some time, but we’re working on it. Just don’t be mad if we screw up from time to time.” He was almost proud of himself to confide in me that they were working on referring to me as their child, rather then using gendered pronouns. I’m so proud of them. 🙂

OMG, yes. My parents are being totally supportive this time. He also added, “we’re also interested, I know you said you didn’t want to talk in terms of timelines, but we were wondering what else you were expecting to do in terms of your transition.”
Maybe it was Karma, I talked to my dad on the MARTA train on the way to phone bank for Georgia Equality. I had the totally awesome experience of being asked what pronouns I prefered. Feminine of course. Over the course of calling people and introducing myself as Tristen, I screwed up twice and used my male name. Of course I texted my dad and told him that even after a year of using Tristen, I still screwed up from time to time – so I was just happy that they were trying.

Riding MARTA yesterday was an experience as well. I had a guy trying to flirt with me on the way in to the train station and the overwhelming feeling I was being “eye humped” (no explaination necessary) by many of the male passengers. I was far more acutely aware of my surroundings riding the train then I’d ever been in the past. Public transit hadn’t changed. I had. It was an interesting experience that women my age have been having for decades, I’m just late to the party. Riding public transit will never been the same.
It was a great day really, alot of milestones in one day; but it made it clear to me that trying to maintain two existences is simply become too stressful to continue.

I recently started attending a support group meeting for the parents of gender variant children as a show of support for William. There is a (trans)girl a couple years older then William who recently transitioned, like within the last year. i bring that up becuase as I read an article about her transition, aside from the similarities to William, one thing that struck me was her mom homeschooled her for a period of time “to allow her to get used to being Skylar”. As ir applies to my own transition, I’m reminded of the sage advice I was once given after completing the schooling and testing to be a Paramedic. “Congratulations. Now you get to learn how to be a Paramedic”.
As I step forward from this point, I see that as my creed for now “Now you get to learn how to be female.” Like becoming a Paramedic, I worked hard and sacrificed to get here, I’ve proven that I can be successful in my transitioned life – now it’s time to learn how to move on and simply be Tristen.

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