338/365 Thanksgiving

Today I hate Thanksgiving.  I think it hurts most of all that Chris is blowing me off, again.  It sucks that I’m in love with someone who doesn’t love me back – if only for the reason that I’m not going to get into all the flipcharts and textbooks it would take to explain it to him.  It hurts, and it’s only going to hurt worse if I don’t break off the relationship we’re not having.

I sleep like shit since I got back from deployment.  It’s not just me, another girl I met in NYC and who I’ve been texting with has been having the same problems.  It’s not that I can’t fall asleep, I can’t stay asleep.   I started taking melatonin.  It works, really well.  I fall asleep on the couch last night, no less than three times did my family wake up.  Oh yeah, that’s the smart thing to do, when you know I have trouble sleeping, keep waking me up.

I brought back an ear infection with me.  I’m deaf most mornings in my left ear.  I hate it.  I got my doc to call in a prescription for antibiotics, so I’ll get over it.  But this is the second time in as many months, same ear even, that I’ve had an infection.  Recurrent ear infections may require surgical intervention I’ve learned, including the nasal passages.  Yay for me, I have an excuse and an opening to tell my mom I want a nose job.  Actually, she’s really supportive, though I know she doesn’t know the full reasons why (hating your nose, which I do, gender issues aside, knows no gender).  Of course, then she’s got to get all about how handsome I am, what a good looking guy I am.  I don’t know that she’s trying to force a gender on me, since it’s not like I’m at full disclosure with her yet.  But it cuts all the same.

I’m thankful for a lot of things, but today I hate Thanksgiving.