Official photographic portrait of US President...

This being my obligatory post-election, err, post I’ll say that I’m quite happy with the results.  Go figure.  That aside, I do think Obama could have done a better job his first term, and now that conservative politicians and ballot measures, with some exception, have gone down in flames I hope that this country will work both on healing the wounds of the last several years and making real progress in the next four.

I’m glad to see that this country has reached a point where the politics of hate doesn’t get politicians elected.  However, it shouldn’t have been this hard for a sitting president to get re-elected.  At the same time, it deeply bothers me that people who voted for Romney seem to have, universally, put human rights second to questionable economic policies.  Further that members of the GLBT, or for that matter non-straight white male population, voted for Romney is especially disturbing.  That, to me, sounds like a whole heap of self-hatred.

Enough of politics for the next four years.

As I write this, I think, rather I know we’re on the backside of deployment.  The longer we stay here the more money we make, of course, but demobilize me and I’m gone.  By my figures, I expect to go home with about $8,000 (after taxes).  There’s a lot on my wish list that money would pay for.  Name change, nose job, that mani/pedi I’ve always wanted but never got, an orchi and a whole lot of waxing – I suck at shaving if you’re wondering.  Not to mention getting all the electro I need done now that, like deployment, I’m on the backside of the march towards full time.

It makes me think about my Christmas wish list.  To understand, my parents snow-bird in Florida every year.  As they’re about to leave soon, my mom is in a rush to get Christmas shopping done.  There isn’t a thing I want this Christmas that doesn’t involve some explaining.  That being said, with no other direction she’s resorted to clothes shopping for me for Christmas.  The fact that my mom buys clothes for me based on what clothes she thinks I own – for years she was buying me shirts to match a pair of pants I didn’t own – aisde, the last thing I wanted her to do was buy me incredibly gendered clothing.  That’s really just a fancy way of saying I feel like button down shirts are too male – I spent the entire summer rotating between three polo shirts I wear.  Its not as bad as it sounds, I wear my work uniform four days a week, so only having three polo shirts was all that was necessary.  Luckily I caught her in time to avoid a spending spree on button down shirts, though she did question my insistence on the color purple.  I didn’t even bother to get into the whole pink debate.

The point is, as ready as I am, now both financially, emotionally, etc, to start making bigger and bigger changes in my life – I realize that there are so many people who don’t know the entire motivations of why.  Not my best friend, who knows I have severe body issues, but doesn’t know why; not my parents, that know I see a gender therapist, and so much of what we talk about, but not exact details; not all the other minor players in my life who know next to nothing.  Tristen is gender neutral enough I could probably change my name with a simple explaination of I just like it better and not raise too many eyebrows.  The Mani/pedi I’ve always wanted could pass on pretty much the same standards.  An orchi, being as personal as it is, would go largely unnoticed – but disclosing that I was having surgery and refusing to offer further details would certainly raise eyebrows.  I know that’s a procedure that can be done with a local anesthetic – so I suppose I could keep it under wraps, no pun intended.  I’ve always hated my nose, and that’s all people really need to know, but the end result (along with maybe a little waxing of my eyebrows) is certainly not going to go unnoticed.  How do I explain why I chose the end result of my nose job to be a decidedly feminine outcome without disclosing all that I haven’t already (which for most people is nothing)?

If I’ve gained any direction at all, when deployment is done and I’m back seeing my therapist again – my mission is clear.  Help me focus on paving the way to my name change and all that’ sure to follow.

Advertisements