So far on deployment I’m 0 – 2.  0 -2, you ask?  Deployment is not the place to meet someone, fall in love and get married.  But, by my own admissions I’m a little boy crazy at the moment.  It explains my undying love for all things Chris and there was actually a sense of relief when my therapist gave me a name for it the last time I saw him.  It doesn’t suck any less though, in fact I hate that my body has not kept pace with my emotions, my neuro-chemistry if you want a $50 word for it.

I met he who will be named “Another Chris” during a nursing home evacuation.  Sure I thought he seemed a little gay, but gay and metrosexual anymore are so hard to distinguish sometimes.  Either way, he was a cute guy and we seemed to hit it off well.  I was eager to have my deployment boyfriend  – it’s irrelevant that he’d likely have no idea he was declared such.  I suppose that makes me your jane-average boy crazy teenage girl – but it is what it is.  🙂

Next day I see him back at the staging area.  My partner and I were walking back to our rig after getting lunch.  Just to explain, “staged” during deployment basically means you have to sit in or near your truck and be ready to deploy at a moment’s notice.  So there we are walking back.  Now I’d seen him on the way to the food line so coming back I knew when we rounded this particular corner I’d see him again.  I admit I feel back on the rules of gay culture on this one, but it can’t be much different under the new playbook, so I insisted that my partner carry my lunch – boxed up as it was – so the object of my affection wouldn’t see me eating.  I say “hey”, nothing, I stop and talk to a girl I recognized from his strike team, no acknowledgement, nothing.  All I can think is “that bitch” (after so many years trying to find myself in the gay community, it’s hard to let go sometimes).  Now I’ve just about got ice in my veins.

The next day, we’re in the food line and who’s at the head it serving?  Another Chris!  I froze, here I was clearly with food in my hand (well it was on a plate, but you know what I mean) breaking the most major rule (never let your crush see you eating).  Again, it’s like I don’t even exist!  Now all I can think is “Fuck him!”  So now I’ve broken up with Another Chris and it’s not like we were ever dating to begin with.  Yeah I know, even writing that I’m thinking “Wow, that’s messed up.”  But I press on.

If you read my other entry, you know we redeployed again and I’d end this post there but I met another guy I’ll call Dave – mostly because that’s his name.  I show a little interest in Dave, he show’s a little interest in me.  Since we’re close enough to Jersey, I have to make the “Now we have a situation!” reference (Jersey Shore if you don’t know what I’m talking about).  Dave and I quickly become friendly and I can’t help but think he’s a cute guy, he seems interested in me, it’s deployment and I’m not getting into all the flip charts and textbooks it would take to explain the situation to him but just enjoy the company of a cute guy on deployment.  Then at some point over numerous conversations Dave starts talking about his finacee.  L

Now to be fair to Dave, it’s not like he pretended to be something he’s not (single and interested in me), but he too totally could have been my deployment Chris – of course until he played the fiancée card.  Though it’s been a couple days and Dave still seems to enjoy my company and I’m still sweet on him – so I can’t complain.  And that’s how I came to be 0 -2 on deployment.

I suppose being a little boy crazy isn’t all bad, just so long as you can make it work for you.  I sure can’t wait to fully transition though so being a little boy crazy isn’t as frustrating at times.  🙂

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